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ARE YOU A HORSE-AHOLIC?
I am a Horse-aholic. I would like to welcome
all of you to this month’s meeting of Horse-aholics Anonymous. Some
of you are here tonight because a friend or relative brought you.
You may be sitting here thinking that you are OK and don’t really need
any help. It is not easy to admit that you are a horse-aholic and
it is even harder to bring yourself to a HA meeting. HA is here to
assist you.
I have some questions to ask. If you
can answer yes to three or more of the following, you have come to the
right place.
- Can you say “sheath” without blushing?
- Do you drive a big truck with a towing
package when everyone else drives a real car?
- Do you have more than one vehicle?
One for you and one for the horses?
- Do you spend your holidays going to shows,
clinics, seminars and trail rides when everyone else goes on a cruise?
- Do you discuss things at dinner that would
make most doctors leave in disgust?
- Do you consider formal wear to be clean
jeans and freshly scraped boots?
- Is your Interior Decorator State Line Tack?
- Is your mail made up primarily of horse
catalogs, horse magazines and bills resulting from horses?
- Do you get up before dawn to go to horse
shows and trail rides but have trouble getting up for “work?
- Do you find non-horse people boring?
If you answered “Yes” to one of the above,
there is still hope.
If you answered “Yes” to two, you are in serious
trouble.
My advice to you with “yes answers of three
or more is to sit back and smile, turn to the smiling person next to you,
and know your life will always be filled with good friends and good horses,
and it will never be boring.
A FINANCIAL LESSON OF THE
HORSE BUSINESS
Q: How do you make a small fortune in the
horse business?
A: Start with a large fortune.
10 THINGS YOU WON'T HEAR YOUR
HORSE SAY:
1.Don't clean out my stall. I adore the smell.
2.No thanks, one can of oats is enough for me.
3.Doctor, may I please have a rectal exam.
4.I just love traveling in a hot trailer.
5.Mr. Farrier, please don't stop pounding on my hooves.
6.There's room for one more on my back.
7.I feel like galloping another 20 miles.
8.Low branch! Duck!
9.You can go ahead and leave, I'll wash myself down.
10.Can we do this again tomorrow?
COWBOY QUOTES
"Behind every successful rancher is a wife who works in town."
...........An
old Western proverb
"Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear or a
fool from any direction."
"A bronc rider should be light in the head and heavy in the seat."
"Broke is what happens when a cowboy lets his yearnin's get ahead
of his earnin's."
"Any cowboy can carry a tune. The trouble comes when he tries to
unload it."
"When in doubt, let your horse do the thinkin'."
"When a cowboy's too old to set a bad example, he hands out good
advice."
"Worry is like a rockin' horse. It's something to do that don't get
you nowhere."
"Poor is having to sell the horse to buy the saddle."
Horse Show Joke
One day in heaven, Saint Peter,
Saint Paul and Saint John were standing around near the horse paddocks,
watching the horses frolic.
“I am certainly bored",
stated John. "Me too,” Paul chimed in. Peter stood and watched the horses.
"I know!” Peter began. "Why don’t we have a horse show?"
Paul and John thought that
the idea was great except for one small detail that Paul pointed out -
"Who are we to compete against, Peter?" Paul asked. The trio pondered a
moment when Peter realized the answer.
"We will call up Satan
and invite him to the horse show. I mean, we have all of the finest horses
here in heaven, all of the World and National Champions are here.
His stable is ridden with the spoiled, difficult and mean horses. We are
certain to win at the show!"
And so the trio calls up
Satan on the other realm communication lines and invited him to their horse
show.
Satan laughed and asked
why they would want to be humiliated like that, because he would certainly
beat them.
Peter, Paul and John did
not understand. "What do you mean, Satan?" Peter asked. "We have all of
the National and World Champion horses in our stable in heaven, how could
you possibly beat us?"
Satan paused a moment and
then laughed. "Have you forgotten so soon, gentlemen? I have all
the judges!"
(The webmaster emphasizes this is a joke and
hopes all good horse judges don't take offense!)
Next of Kin
A preacher went to his church office on Monday morning
and discovered a dead mule in the church yard. He called the police. Since there did not appear to be any foul
play, the police referred the preacher to the health department.
They said since there was no health threat that he should call the sanitation
department. The sanitation manager said he could not pick up the
mule without authorization from the mayor.
Now the preacher knew the mayor and was not to
eager to call him. The mayor had a bad temper and was generally hard to
deal with, but the preacher called him anyway. The mayor did not
disappoint. He immediately began to rant and rave at the pastor and finally
said, "Why did you call me anyway? Isn't it your job to bury the dead?"
The preacher paused for a brief prayer and asked
the Lord to direct his response. He was led to say, "Yes, Mayor, it is
my job to bury the dead, but I always like to notify the next of kin first!"
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